The Vaults

When most Americans think of retiring in search of financial security, affordable healthcare, and peace and quiet, the last place they would think of is Eastern Ukraine during wartime. Even fewer would consider buying a house near the warzone. Half-brothers Raymond Sterling and Timothy Matthew are not most Americans.

“The fucking Belgians, man!” said Zane a hundred thousand times for the rest of eternity. But he couldn’t get it out of his head. Seven cocktails before breakfast? And then a shot of Jaeger for everyone? At 10 in the morning? After a night of drinking until sunrise? It was too extraordinary for his little mind to master. Cognitive dissonance began to set in. Were these mere men? Or were they gods? It had started out so innocently.

I crossed the Ukrainian border with no money, no smokes and no good ideas. Luck, it seems, had finally turned against me. But as fate would have it, this would not be my last cigarette, not yet. That’s because throughout my travels in Ukraine I met some special people who gave me everything I needed: illuminated and inebriated Ukrainian artists, drunken degenerate volunteer soldiers, and two old brothers who smoked like the train they rode out of town on.

It’s hard to imagine Laure Reichek, now a little old lady, weaving down the winding roads of Chateaumeillant, through the idyllic French countryside with a bicycle and a revolver. It’s harder to imagine the order she carried with her: put the barrel in her mouth and pull the trigger should she be caught.

A psychedelic retreat. A 75-milligram dose of ketamine. Intramuscular injections. Eve laid on her mat with her trip-sitter beside her. She felt it coming on. Then, whoosh. “I don’t know if there was a windy noise, or it was just inside my head. The tumbling, turning, kaleidoscope effect came on, and I was pushed along into a place of distortion and loss of ego. Things continued turning and pouring and weaving, and I seemed to get smaller, and there was a loss of connection to what had come before."

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS CHEMICALS KNOWN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CAUSE CANCER OR BIRTH DEFECTS OR OTHER REPRODUCTIVE HARM.

SANTA ROSA JUNIOR COLLEGE IS A SMOKE-FREE CAMPUS

And then there was “The Ramble.”

Few pieces in Santa Rosa Junior College Oak Leaf history have caused as much controversy, upset, political backstabbing and maneuvering as “The Rosa Ramble.” Few pieces have inspired as many quotes or failed assassination attempts. Despite never being published, despite numerous promises to the contrary and despite its tongue-in-cheek undertone, “The Ramble” has earned its place among some of the fringiest, edgiest, most polarizing content the Oak Leaf has to offer.